they are fighting for democracy

in iran,
they are fighting,
using their lives as weapons-

so naive at midnight

the lists fill my mind-
there is no empty warmth here.
there is nothing but everything
it buzzes above my own breathing
i can't calm down, and i can't stop it

he's asleep so soundly
i don't want to wake and worry him
his warmth brings me solace and yet i am ashamed
that i am like no other: normal without pain

is that the truth or what we chose to see
what we chose to reveal:
a fake california closet-- organized, designed, and oppressive

and i
always
buy into it

i can't help it,
i am very busy measuring and judging myself.
too busy trying to fit-in and do the right thing
trying to be the best that i can be
i always fall short, it's impossible to recreate that dream. that image.

so, i buy into the ones everyone tries to sell me
it helps to keep me feeling inadequate

good girl

the blue light dims
as whispering voices fall into a hush

my heart beats to the energy of my youth
palpitating through my body

nervousness and cunning assurance fill my heart
i feel my breath in my lungs and my ribcage moving

so alone

yet

full and complete

i walk the walk-- there is not another way,
or so it seems to me, at this bold age

i say the lines, they have taught me to say,
alone on this big bright stage.

it's coming on christmas

i love joni mitchell. do you know she's canadian? it's very awesome that a canadian artist is one of the most prolific and influential artists of the world.

it's coming on christmas, they're cutting down trees, they're putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace, i wish i had a river, i could skate away on.

this song has been used in many movies-- it is one of my favourite songs of all time.

when i was twenty my parent's constant fighting and struggles got real bad. this song saved me. this song, and my brother. i wanted to shield him from all the troubles in my parent's marriage and all the sadness in our family.

the song gave me solace.
my brother gave me reason to be happy, stay connected, and make it the best christmas i could, for him. i look back fondly on that christmas.

the power of love, the written word, and joni mitchell.