How?

When we were small-

We caught little bugs with see-through

Wings

Your hands bigger than mine

Your safety stronger than an angry revolution

Carries me softly (safely)

(safety).

Brings my hot feet into the cool sea-salt drenched sand.

See: half-moons set into each of your cuticles-

perfection.

Rode our bikes by the snails

                                                You taught me those trails

            Like the lines on your hands

Or the dry skin patch

                                    From scrubbing the pans

                                                Your shoes smelled of

                                                            Butter.

your laugh murmurs in my ear- low rumbling under each lobe.

we were small-

now we are big.

We have seen the end of many chapters-

Too many goodbyes

begin anew

without you

?

Alone

I am only half here. 

I am half there: Over where you left me. And tied my shoes. And took the training wheels off my bike. And took away all safety you had created. And glass shattered.

Like slow motion.

Shards

caught the light and-

Glimmered

stardust into the winter night.

Fell

on banks of snow.

         Slow motion-

and like silvery-white sprinkles on a birthday cake.

We slept over at their house that night. One of many where we left you home alone. 

All

A

Lone.

A company you kept your whole life.

Now she paints a picture, my mind can't help but replay:

You shuffle slowly. Find courage in encouraging words. Hear the echo of your slippers on the linoleum.  Wait for the elevator while gripping your walker like a child grips his backpack, nervously, on the first day of school.

Alone.

And I cannot be there to comfort you.

I am stuck. In my pink socks. Can't walk across the shards of glass.